As cruel as it could be

This is where i stay since i was born. I was hiding here away from the world for more than 2 years now. By believing those who loved and left, I closed myself from the world. Deleting FB from my phone and forcing myself to stay offline.

I didn't expected I would lose this home to stay. An ancestor house, and then Grandma pass, gugu pass. And the house were now being owned by another relative. By not living into their expectations, me and my mom got emotionality tortured. Locking my mom out of the house, shouting at us, and cursing us with that big scary voice forcing us to move out. "I don't want to wait for you to die, move out now!" Yes, Such a word. Banging our room door for forgetting to close the toilet door. We tried not to use or touch whatever that doesn't belong to us. More and more, we lost access to the microwave, oven, and the back entrance. I can't even put a parcel on the table. Counting how long we've use the gas to cook, even after we separated it. Like stalking on the way we lived our lives, the time we on the aircond, the hour we use the washing machine as if we are not paying for it and how I've not do the cleaning. If i missed my breakfast after 9am, I felt guilty and fear to leave my room. I hesitate to go out to use the toilet, when i hear ppl outside. And yes, as useless as I was, I left mom being scolded outside alone and me hiding in the room. Life was just terrible. 

20210822 

Mom told them we are looking for a place now. And this didn't stop them from stepping us down. Blaming how terrible we was all these while, and the blame goes all the way back even to 30 over years ago and even claimed how my father complained about my mom when he was still here. Shockingly, he blame mom that we didn't cry when my father pass away. Even claimed how grandma and gugu hate us (which i tot we were good all these years ) turning those that already pass into the bad person. And yeah, it's the era of depression. 

 20210830 

We were shifting for the first round that I realize, they took away the electric guitar gugu gave me. Claiming the will is theirs, nothing gugu mentioned to give me. Even saying the car gugu didn't wanted to give me. I guess if gugu didn't say that in front of everyone previously, they can take back another thing. The will is theirs. Then starting the blaming with those sharp words hitting one by one, all their rights, bully us like hell. Claiming I was fierce? Me and my mom tried to avoid them terribly and kept quite while they are the one keep finding more things to blame, shouting and cursing us in anyway possible.